Welcome One and All, to the Inaugural Social Cromag Rant!

Welcome to the very first blog post on my brandy spankin’ new tommyzman website. I’ve been doing so much writing, blogging, web work and creative for everyone else that I finally decided it was time to let loose a barrage of mental flatulence of my own doing. Many of you are fans of my daily FaceBook posts, which are basically just bite-sized snippets of what’s actually fermenting in my dank and polluted brain.

This weekly blog will expose me for the old school Cromag that I am – a down to earth guy with traditional values – family and friends mean everything, and your integrity is all that you really have. I long for the days when a man was the king of his castle, and you could enjoy smoking a premium cigar, a plate full of charred carcass, and a belt of single malt scotch without being looked upon like a god damned disease infested pariah.

A few facts about me… I was born the son of a cock-fight referee in a remote boron mining village just outside of Warsaw. Uncle Stosh was in the Polish mafia and would bring me along in my stroller to do collections. I’d watch as the bastid would threaten to break his own thumbs while the deadbeats looked on in horror (definitely more of a dumbass than a wiseguy.) It was then that my parents fled the land of polka to chase the American Dream, all in hopes that one day their baby boy would become a world renown cigar blogger. Since early childhood, I’ve been attracted to many of the finer things in life – I started on Cuban smokes at age three, cuz it made me look like a bad ass and chicks dug it. Forever attracted to the allure of an older woman, while my buddies were oogling the sixth grade cheerleaders, I was too damned busy checking out their moms. A definite junior pervert in training, I take full credit for inventing the milf. (Raquel Welch is my longtime fave. Check out her photo at 68 years old… oh baby, come to papa…)

On the slightly more serious side… my disdain is over the top for those who spread the malignance of political correctness. Our entire country is becoming a soft-bellied cavern, full of oversensitive douchebags who think they speak for the majority, and I can tell you that they are sadly mistaken. They want to eliminate games like dodgeball from phys ed classes because the slow, the obese, and the weak will be targeted. I say that learning to survive in a controlled hostile environment at a young age is actually good training for those who will one day face the horribly cruel and unfair sucker punches that life will assuredly deliver. In plain English – growing a sack early on will produce R.O.I that is invaluable.

In most recent days, we witnessed an act of oversensitivity that mystified many of us beyond all reproach. Our government gave Osama Bin Laden – the most heinous murdering beast since Adolph Hitler – a burial that was dignified and proper in accordance with his religion. Why – tell me why we are so goddamned concerned about offending people who want every single one of us Americans dead? Why do we walk on political eggshells, worrying that the world will think any less of us? If I can be frank here for just a moment… this kind of p.c. pandering makes America – the world’s supposed reining super power – look like a bunch of panty wearing, tea-toddling, tap dancing pussies. But hey, that’s just me.

Holy shit, Zman, that was awfully hardcore for a guy that claims to be a happy-go-lucky humorist. Yeah, well, I think somebody lined my jockstrap with sand paper cuz I’m not having that, you know… very fresh feeling. If I seem a little edgy, it’s because that crazy old shitbag, Harold Camping won’t give me my worldly possessions back. Hey, I did my part… erecting billboards and standing in front of my lime green Yugo in the Walmart parking lot, warning people about the all-consuming fireball that was supposed to strike at 5:59 pm. No earth cracking quakes, no souls snatched towards the heavens, no zombies parading down main street, no day after tomorrow… nuthin’. Worst fucking rapture ever.

The goal of this new blog/website is to entertain and share some laughs while connecting with those who share a common bond. And what I really need you to do is to add your own thoughts here – join my little community of Social Cromags by signing up for the blog (look up in the top right corner,) then post your comments and become a regular. I’ve got my Cigar Pick of the Week, ZMan-Food Recipes and a a whole lot of other good stuff to get your testosterone pumping!

Coming up: Part 2 of this raucous rant, as I take some full cut swings at lifetime politicians, smoke Nazis, and whatever else passes though my encrusted dome. So, let’s have some fun, kick some asses that need to be kicked, and by all means, smoke ‘em if ya gottem.

Keepin’ It Real,

 

 

Social Cromag Extraordinaire

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41 Responses to Welcome One and All, to the Inaugural Social Cromag Rant!

  1. Seedy says:

    Z… I can see the stage is set for a feast of manly rants! I loved it! Especially the cockfighting part! Remind me to tell the crowd about Uncle Rufus and his famous cock sometime. Epic! The Weeny is ready… Time to eat ‘em if ya got ‘em. Maybe I can post some JOYful milffy muffy pics here and leave them in your good hands. We can make her a star… And the girl from yesterday… we’ll talk. Time to toast my buns… peace!

  2. Katmancross says:

    “I was born the son of a cock-fight referee in a remote boron mining village just outside of Warsaw. Uncle Stosh was in the Polish mafia and would bring me along in my stroller to do collections. I’d watch as the bastid would threaten to break his own thumbs while the deadbeats looked on in horror.”
    OMG!
    My father was a mud wrestling referee in the Transylvania Mountain ranges of Romania until we moved to Cleveland in 1955. My Uncle Sam worked for Meyer Lansky and he got me a part time job picking up shells after a hit. My dad was forced to give up mud wrestling refereeing and became a maker of bologna. We never had a shortage of fried bologna sandwiches. As I grew, Uncle Sam gave me more important work, like mopping up vomit from the new hitmen who couldn’t handle it. And then I’d have to clean up the blood with a mop after Uncle Sam hit them for being lousy at their jobs.
    We are soooooo alike!!!!!

  3. David MF Tibbitts says:

    My Uncles Were Crazy whiskey Drinkin Injuns, they would tie up the friendly neighborhood caucasian fella’s to a big oak tree an would not let them go until they had drank all their beer…that’s how I got so good at tying knots. But on the serious side I am sick of these panty wearing, tea-toddling, tap dancing pussies that are Running this Country into the Ground. Our (well yours) Forefathers that stole this Country would roll over in their graves if they new the Pathetic State of this Country

  4. 365Cigars says:

    Love your rants and I know I’m gonna love this blog… how can you not love the ZMan!…

  5. SUPERSPORT22000 says:

    I STILL SAY we should get you to run for office. Politics needs a dose of common sense.

  6. hockeymaniac says:

    Well Z here I am at work reading you instead of doing my work. So, if I’m fired for this expect another mouth to feed because I will be knocking at your door. Oh yes i have your address. I can see I won’t be getting very much work done from now on. Love it.

  7. Cigar lawyer says:

    Looking forward to reading more

  8. Charliereddog says:

    That silly old fool sure made a lot of news with his “projection” of the End of Days and the other prophicies of silliness! Maybe he was thinking about Arnold the Gov, er Feelinator, and his movie, “End of Days”. Meanwhile, back on planet earth we now have hours and hours of the Casey Anthony saga that is about as exciting as “Housewives of New York”……..maybe they should do a “Housewives of Hogwallow, USA” and show us some red neck house bitches instead of the standard fare of the New York tramps……..Tommy, great start on your blog and if you ever need a guest writer who can blog endlessly on the bad side of society, Let Me Know…….

  9. SteveE says:

    Do it, big-Z! We’re all marching right behind ya with our stogies, guns and traditional values, waitin’ for the war cry. One warning, though, if you start hyphenating your nationality, I’m breaking my thumbs…

  10. Darren_in_Detroit says:

    Its about time you blogged on your own! Let it rant, Z! Let the expletives fly! Crush those who will impose their minority-voiced will and bullshit upon us! Let us toast with good booze and celebrate with fine cigars!

  11. admin says:

    You guys are awesome! This place is gonna rock, I can tell you that right now! Cougars, scotch, and cigars for the taking! Whose with me?…

  12. 1911A1Bob says:

    I can see that this blog will become a “home away from home” for those of us who are fed the hell up with all the P.C. garbage!

  13. If I had kids this is the type of bedtime story I would read them. Great to see you “on your own” Z, looking forward to a no-holds barred barrage of lyrical ass kicking of all who stand in your way.

  14. TomStogie007 says:

    Happy to see another bastion of opinion, manliness and cigars. Happy to be a part of the mayhem, Zman.

    Your brother of the leaf.

  15. Brian W says:

    Ok Z-Man, lead us all down the road of political incorrectness and laughing all the way. I look forward to some interesting reading!

  16. Raz says:

    I’m with you Z-Man! To hell with the smoke nazis! Bring on the MILFS and cigars and whiskey. Send ALL the politicans to the South Pole! Hey, by the way, I thought I was the first infant to EF Miss welch….Just sayin”

  17. Steve B. says:

    Zman love the rant fuckin hysterical and i myself love the finer things in life just like you. I love havin a nice bottle of scotch with one of my many cigars and i have also never dated a woman who was younger than i am ( i am currently getting married to a woman 4 years older than myself this August ). Look forward to more rants and the next smoke i light up, i light in your honor! Zman for president!!!

  18. DAN DAMAN says:

    SMOKE NAZIS BE ON YOUR GUARD Z-MAN SPEAX!!! cCIGARS, RECIPIES, RANTS AND PICS OF RAQUEL … UR A GODAMNED MIND READER BRO! MUCHO SUCCESS, DAN

  19. James m Smith says:

    You go Z-Man !!!! F the pc crowd !!! Bin laden !! They should have strapped a pig to him before they sent him down !!!!

  20. Teddy Salad says:

    This is awesome Tommy Z. I look forward to the rants. I’m with SUPERSPORT22000, you need to run for office…….And I had no idea my former English teacher had such training earlier in his career.

  21. TPETZOLD says:

    Yeah boy, this is gonna be good………

  22. admin says:

    You guys just rock…

  23. wtoddkellerUE says:

    Awesome! Glad to see your new blog, Tommy Z, and glad to be a part of it!

    A few notables: Just who the hell does Seal Team 6 think they are marching into Shitholeabad and killing OBL in his home sweet hovel and not producing a video game about it so I can have the pleasure, nee, sweet satisfaction, of invading Pakistan and doing the job myself, time and time again?!

    Also: This Harold Camping thing is starting to concern me, I’m worried about your state of mental health. I think it’s classic anger transference and you’re really upset about something else! Could it be there are some negative emotions surrounding some ongoings at church that you have not yet let go of?! Over charged at the church bake sale by a MILF, perhaps? That would explain a lot!

  24. Tommy Z - Your SOCAIL CROMAG says:

    Wow, Todd, you got ME pegged…

  25. Bob Cheppo says:

    This is gonna be like the old days. Welcome back Zman!

  26. Tommy Z - Your SOCAIL CROMAG says:

    If ya mean the old days, where we could cuss, smoke stoags, drink hootch, and talk about milf’s a plenty… then, yeah, that sounds about right!

  27. Hoff says:

    love it a online social club where men can act and tawk like men thats right tawk im from NY gotta problem wit dat?

  28. Padilla Man says:

    Goin to be great Z,can’t wait for more!!!!!!

  29. wtoddkellerUE says:

    Fokken-eh, I got no prolem wit dat!

    Tommy, I can spot anger transference a mile away…I’m a part time Driving Psychologist! <=D

    I prescribe 2 MILFS (together) get off the Jersey Turnpike, have a Dram of Scotch (or until desired effect is achieved), smoke a Churchill sized premium Cigar and call me in the morning! It's touch and go but I think there is an outside chance I can save you!

  30. dodger_fan says:

    Yeah, where are the milfs?

  31. Mamma says:

    my life has become so much more titillating..as i live vicariously through your ‘rants’…Z!! it’s advantagous for me to not use my actual name, i may be banned from the Garden Club for being so very outspoken.

    Run with it, Z….i’m excited for you!

  32. Boomer says:

    As one of our founding fathers so elegantly put it, “Gentlemen, on this we must hang together, or, most assuredly, we will hang separately.” Do-gooders are not your friend.

  33. Panama Red says:

    Great stuff,gonna mention this to the FOG’s at CBid(you know what that is ? )
    By the way how the hell am i supposed to remember the password
    you gave me ? it’s 12 letters long !
    Kep up the good work.

  34. Tommy Z - Your SOCIAL CROMAG says:

    C-Bid is a VERY BAD addiction that lowers your bank account… that’s what that is!

  35. zevffrey says:

    Looking forward to the arguments, oops, uh, uhum, I mean “debates :)

  36. Brian Becker says:

    Z Man,

    This is going to be an epic blog! Your topics and diction and uncanny and you are one funny guy!

    Can’t wait for your next Blogs!

    Cheers!

    BBbarfly!

  37. Ty says:

    I can’t wait to read these. I will probably end up printing a lot of them out and putting them out for all the guys to read here.

    Like I said before we love Nathan and your videos. This blog will be the icing on the cake.

    Smoke On…

  38. Tommy Z - Your SOCIAL CROMAG says:

    That’s TYLER all the way from IRAQ, people! Thanks a ton, my brother!

    • Roadlizard7 says:

      Damn! More of Zman’s Polish horse crap to wade through. Just kidding. He’s my favorite degenerate.

  39. madhungarian says:

    I think I have found a new home…other people who say what everyone else in the room is thinking…I’ve got a golden ticket..Looking forward to the Rants….JR BRUDDAH…

  40. Doug Bryant says:

    Thanks for the invite Z! This should be interesting :)